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SATIRE: Carbon -- make me an offer.

Look at that there. Ain't it beautiful? Lovely piece of carbon that is. When you think that this   stuff  decides our future...you can't help but be impressed. Amazing stuff. Got us where we are today.

So how much do you think it's worth? Go on, have a guess. If you wanted to bury it out back or something (say no more, right? Wink.Wink.) -- how much do you reckon you'd be saving? Two hundred dollars? One hundred dollars? 

Remember 'toxic' is gonna cost you. Much more of  this stuff and  the planet's cactus. 

So what you reckon? Make me an offer.

OK. OK.  Because you're a friend, and we look after our friends, I'll tell you what: All this carbon is going celestial today  at a  rock bottom, bargain basement price. You'll flip when you hear it... 

Seriously: How much you reckon?

OK, I'll tell you. Brace yourself. (You'll be wondering how on earth we can do it for the price.)

Today only-- because we like you -- you pay ( wait for it! ) only $23 per tonne! That's what I said: Twenty Three Dollars! 

A tonne! 

It has to be best value for wholesale, right? I tell you Coal need only go up less than two bucks per tonne. Even the friggin Chinese market is more fickle than that!  

You'll wear it mate. Easy. Trust me. That's what mates are for.

Here you are wondering what you can do to help save the planet and we  give you a good conscience for  twenty three bucks. 

Don't thank me. That's what we're here for. 

And if it doesn't work: fuck 'em -- there's no return on sale. 

You did your best, right? You wore the cost. Paid up. Copped it sweet.  What more can be expected of  you  and still turn a profit at the end of the day? 

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