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Men don't

I can navigate through my week without giving abortion a moment's thought. I've never had one, you see. It's one of those categorical differences between women and men that to this day divide the sexes.


Women Men

Live longer than men Have more prostate trouble
Get pregnant Don't get pregnant

This is pretty basic stuff. When you get down to the nitty gritty, there really isn't much that holds the genders apart -- if, perchance, we ever thought such a thing was a good idea. The problem has been that throughout history, women and men -- for reasons best known to themselves at the time -- have indicated an inordinate determination to come together.

Such congress, I understand, can sometimes be a frequent and stirring event. Despite the associated sweat and sundry other bodily emissions, there's many a man and woman who swear by it.

Good luck to them, I say. Where would we all be without such keenness for so essential a human discipline as copulation? Practices like these generally come to us highly recommended. Getting your rocks off, shaggin', fornicatin' and making luv have become a national pastime.

Something like the cricket.

But there's a major glitch in all these amorous activities.

If I or my favoured physician were inclined to take to my never regions with a thingamajig, it would be very difficult for me to commit a criminal act by deciding to do so. I could circumcise or de-knacker myself (you know what that means, don't you?) and there's nothing specified in the criminal code to say I had broken the law. While you may think I was a bloody idiot to hack away at the crown jewels, technically -- for reasons best known to myself -- it would be my right to do so.

But if a woman does it ... it becomes something of a legal event.

I think that's a bit unfair.

It's OK that anything which happens below my belt is my business. But for a woman, anything south of the umbilicus is thought to be everyone's.

[From the LOR archive]

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